Week VI - Day 7
In His Own Words
We have begun to find somewhat of a rhythm here in Juba and now that I take the time to write, he's noticed things that I should add to my writings. He's still unaware of the fact that I record him when we talk on Sunday mornings and I'm sure he's just fine with me recording too. So go ahead and "snitch" Malou!
Anyway, on this particular Sunday, we began to reminisce on how we met and how it is that we are still together. We met December 16, 1989 at around 11:30pm in Oakland, CA. The club was called Manyata and located on Hegenberger Road.
I was helping a dear friend, Meda Okelo, collect money from the people who were entering the party - Kenyan Independence Celebration. I was totally excited to be 18 and at a night club for the first time. Who knew that I would be meeting my husband and the father of my three crazy kids that night?
Our conversation this Sunday was a reflection on how we met and why we are together. I was totally wowed by what he had to say. It all started with me sharing this:
"No...I mean you can look weird...that's what my dad told me...'You can marry Chinese, Japanese, American...whatever human being that is different from here.' That's what he was saying, 'You're different.'
People might try and put you in a box but, they can't figure you out. And that's what it is...they can't figure me out...you know? I'm different...I roll different.
Even my people...my loved-ones are like 'You're weird' and some of them are like, 'Yeah, that's Madingdit (his father)...you can't figure him out.'"
Me - "But you're happy?"
Him - "Yeah I'm happy! I'm happy you know. Yeah and different."
Me - "Yeah. You please me and I wonder how many women are "getting theirs".
Him -
"That is not my job to tell men you need to roll like me. You figure it out. You know? Even [if] I married a Sudanese...I'm still different...I'd be still the same...I'd treat them the same...give them the same love...you know...no craziness.
That's why women ask me...the see a difference in me..you know...[they think'] It's something I'm missing [and] I want to have a part of that...I see them...when I see them they're like man I wan't a part of that you know...because they're missing a lot of that and they don't know how to get it from their man but they're looking for that...
Even my close older guys...the close friends or relatives, they will tell you I'm different...even we used to roll together and they'd go their own way, I'd be like no, I'm not a part of that dude. Akok will tell you. Malwal will tell you. Deng Tag will tell you...and those are my dudes we used to roll together. Piot will tell you.Chan Ring will tell you...(mentioned a host of others) even the young man just mentioned in a text...
So...I'm with my folks (speaking of how his parents raised him) where opportunity leads me...that's where I'm gonna be...it's like this room, I can't pass here until the door is opened...and that's how my life [is]...I don't go all over the place...my step is like that...I'm not going backwards, I'm not going sideways, I'm just going a step in the right direction. So whatever come my way I gotta sort it through...like why you come my way...when I can see from meeting all these different girls who want me and I said no I kept moving forward.
On why he said yes to me:
"I don't know and that's the beauty of it. If it's strange, it's strange to other people but it's not strange to us. It was strange to everybody...your folks, my folks. People close to me...everybody [at the time] was like, "nah": Manute, Moses, Deng, and Akuei. So [there were] a lot of doubters but, the way I carried myself proved them wrong...I'm wired different...I make the best out of what you think is not going to work. Like my sisters...they were stunned...you know"
His response to me feeling like I don't fit in at all here with my husband:
"Yeah but you don't fit. In the eye of the situation and of the people; you don't fit. But that is not your journey. You are with me, you are stuck there. What did you expect to happen?"
His response to me feeling like I've stolen him away:
"Same thing your people are feeling baby. Yeah, 'You gonna come here and take my daughter...what the hell?' See what I'm saying? I can see all my brothers-in-law saying, 'Man he's for real...Michael took my sister to the middle of nowhere'...so that's what love do to you."
On Dec 16, 1989:
Me - "When you walked in the building...you looked at me."
Him - "Even when I looked at you, did you think, 'This dude is a foreigner?'
Me - "No! I didn't see foreigner. I just saw this flash of honesty and genuineness in your eyes and I thought to myself...I want more. I gotta know who this person is."
Him - But that's how God made human beings baby...people who make a difference, they don't come smooth...they come like - what the ___ is going on? Why am I different? Why do I like this dude?...it's the force of nature of humanity...we're supposed to be mixed like that that. People think differently when they me...some people are like damn they still together...who's this African and what does she see in him...they don't know."
On what he would you say to the kids:
"My kids, I release my kids the same way. Never put you in a box. Just know yourself. Love who you love and be honest with that person. Don't play with people's feelings...this is why people get hurt. If you're not ready [for a relationship] don't get in a situation...let them know.
The way your love [is]...even when you hurt...when you hurt, you're going to see if it's real or not. When you hurt and that person is around you...you don't exhibit the hatred...there will be love there. But when you lose it and go crazy...there is no love...you were faking it.
I'm saying this...even when we went through that stage (we separated twice)...I was never at the point where I said I hate your guts and I want to hurt you. I know I was disappointed. The situation and how it was going...but I don't like I want to hurt this person. No, I care less...I can walk miles away from you without doing anything. You know? That's what I'll do. I will leave peacefully."
On why he never left:
"Because I love you! Even when I leave your presence...you still find your way to come to me...and I don't reject you. I left your mom's house twice. Yeah...I picked up my stuff and left. I'm just easing that madness...ssshhhhhhh...just deflating the situation...ssshhhhhhh....all the negative thoughts...sssshhhh....they go away and I still have you."
On do people get love mixed up?:
"I don't know what other people call love so I don't know. When you have a good love you should have a moment together...not a cloudy...cloudy. Like I don't see a private moment with these dudes having so many women around...it's just like (shakes his head)...it's just like raising cows.
Who do you say good morning to when you get up? And when you go to bed, which one do you go to? You confusing all these little girls (young women) and they don't even know what love is and you're having sex with all of them...and that's the part we don't even know...does he arouse them or does he just take it from them...and they don't even know how.
All I know is I love you...my first and only wife."
We have begun to find somewhat of a rhythm here in Juba and now that I take the time to write, he's noticed things that I should add to my writings. He's still unaware of the fact that I record him when we talk on Sunday mornings and I'm sure he's just fine with me recording too. So go ahead and "snitch" Malou!
Anyway, on this particular Sunday, we began to reminisce on how we met and how it is that we are still together. We met December 16, 1989 at around 11:30pm in Oakland, CA. The club was called Manyata and located on Hegenberger Road.
I was helping a dear friend, Meda Okelo, collect money from the people who were entering the party - Kenyan Independence Celebration. I was totally excited to be 18 and at a night club for the first time. Who knew that I would be meeting my husband and the father of my three crazy kids that night?
Our conversation this Sunday was a reflection on how we met and why we are together. I was totally wowed by what he had to say. It all started with me sharing this:
I realized as soon as we got here that this is not your home...it's just not. You're like a fish out of water and there's nothing wrong with that. We've been together for so long and we've learned each other and we've learned to support one another...that I'm conscious, I'm aware of your support for me because I don't see it anywhere else in this society; so far.
You open the door for me. You're making sure I get in the car okay. You're making sure I get out of the car okay. You hold my hand to get up these big steps. I have not seen one other man do that here for any woman and I don't see any men with their wives: period. So, I get that that makes us look odd here because we're actually together. And we're not even talking PDA (public displays of affection). And it's okay because I'm not afraid of looking weird.Him -
"No...I mean you can look weird...that's what my dad told me...'You can marry Chinese, Japanese, American...whatever human being that is different from here.' That's what he was saying, 'You're different.'
People might try and put you in a box but, they can't figure you out. And that's what it is...they can't figure me out...you know? I'm different...I roll different.
Even my people...my loved-ones are like 'You're weird' and some of them are like, 'Yeah, that's Madingdit (his father)...you can't figure him out.'"
Me - "But you're happy?"
Him - "Yeah I'm happy! I'm happy you know. Yeah and different."
Me - "Yeah. You please me and I wonder how many women are "getting theirs".
Him -
"That is not my job to tell men you need to roll like me. You figure it out. You know? Even [if] I married a Sudanese...I'm still different...I'd be still the same...I'd treat them the same...give them the same love...you know...no craziness.
That's why women ask me...the see a difference in me..you know...[they think'] It's something I'm missing [and] I want to have a part of that...I see them...when I see them they're like man I wan't a part of that you know...because they're missing a lot of that and they don't know how to get it from their man but they're looking for that...
Even my close older guys...the close friends or relatives, they will tell you I'm different...even we used to roll together and they'd go their own way, I'd be like no, I'm not a part of that dude. Akok will tell you. Malwal will tell you. Deng Tag will tell you...and those are my dudes we used to roll together. Piot will tell you.Chan Ring will tell you...(mentioned a host of others) even the young man just mentioned in a text...
So...I'm with my folks (speaking of how his parents raised him) where opportunity leads me...that's where I'm gonna be...it's like this room, I can't pass here until the door is opened...and that's how my life [is]...I don't go all over the place...my step is like that...I'm not going backwards, I'm not going sideways, I'm just going a step in the right direction. So whatever come my way I gotta sort it through...like why you come my way...when I can see from meeting all these different girls who want me and I said no I kept moving forward.
On why he said yes to me:
"I don't know and that's the beauty of it. If it's strange, it's strange to other people but it's not strange to us. It was strange to everybody...your folks, my folks. People close to me...everybody [at the time] was like, "nah": Manute, Moses, Deng, and Akuei. So [there were] a lot of doubters but, the way I carried myself proved them wrong...I'm wired different...I make the best out of what you think is not going to work. Like my sisters...they were stunned...you know"
His response to me feeling like I don't fit in at all here with my husband:
"Yeah but you don't fit. In the eye of the situation and of the people; you don't fit. But that is not your journey. You are with me, you are stuck there. What did you expect to happen?"
His response to me feeling like I've stolen him away:
"Same thing your people are feeling baby. Yeah, 'You gonna come here and take my daughter...what the hell?' See what I'm saying? I can see all my brothers-in-law saying, 'Man he's for real...Michael took my sister to the middle of nowhere'...so that's what love do to you."
On Dec 16, 1989:
Me - "When you walked in the building...you looked at me."
Him - "Even when I looked at you, did you think, 'This dude is a foreigner?'
Me - "No! I didn't see foreigner. I just saw this flash of honesty and genuineness in your eyes and I thought to myself...I want more. I gotta know who this person is."
Him - But that's how God made human beings baby...people who make a difference, they don't come smooth...they come like - what the ___ is going on? Why am I different? Why do I like this dude?...it's the force of nature of humanity...we're supposed to be mixed like that that. People think differently when they me...some people are like damn they still together...who's this African and what does she see in him...they don't know."
On what he would you say to the kids:
"My kids, I release my kids the same way. Never put you in a box. Just know yourself. Love who you love and be honest with that person. Don't play with people's feelings...this is why people get hurt. If you're not ready [for a relationship] don't get in a situation...let them know.
The way your love [is]...even when you hurt...when you hurt, you're going to see if it's real or not. When you hurt and that person is around you...you don't exhibit the hatred...there will be love there. But when you lose it and go crazy...there is no love...you were faking it.
I'm saying this...even when we went through that stage (we separated twice)...I was never at the point where I said I hate your guts and I want to hurt you. I know I was disappointed. The situation and how it was going...but I don't like I want to hurt this person. No, I care less...I can walk miles away from you without doing anything. You know? That's what I'll do. I will leave peacefully."
On why he never left:
"Because I love you! Even when I leave your presence...you still find your way to come to me...and I don't reject you. I left your mom's house twice. Yeah...I picked up my stuff and left. I'm just easing that madness...ssshhhhhhh...just deflating the situation...ssshhhhhhh....all the negative thoughts...sssshhhh....they go away and I still have you."
On do people get love mixed up?:
"I don't know what other people call love so I don't know. When you have a good love you should have a moment together...not a cloudy...cloudy. Like I don't see a private moment with these dudes having so many women around...it's just like (shakes his head)...it's just like raising cows.
Who do you say good morning to when you get up? And when you go to bed, which one do you go to? You confusing all these little girls (young women) and they don't even know what love is and you're having sex with all of them...and that's the part we don't even know...does he arouse them or does he just take it from them...and they don't even know how.
All I know is I love you...my first and only wife."
I love you guys!
ReplyDeleteLove you back cuzzo!!
Delete❤😍❤
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing! Miss you all!!!!
ReplyDelete❤❤❤ Uncle Micheal is the best.
ReplyDelete